From childhood, many of us have a clear picture of who our dream man or woman would be. We even fantasize about it. We dream it. And as we grow older, we begin to see if we can actualize this dream and find that particular partner we’d always wanted. We come across so many suitable and possible dream partners and at some point or the other we had to make our choice. Sometimes we make the right choice, sometimes, we don’t. Life can throw a whole lot at us sometimes that we get consumed and make mistakes. Here are ten possible mistakes that might lead you to making the wrong choice of partner.
- Expecting the change that may never come.
This is perhaps the most common mistake women make. A lot of women
plunge into marriage with a man they know has a bagful of vices, but hoped he would change after they’re married. He bullies you, he’s abusive, he’s stingy, he’s a drunk! He tells you he’ll change and you believed him? Its going to be hard for that to happen. Truth of the matter is, if you’re not comfortable with the way he is now, don’t walk down the aisle with him!
- You focus more on chemistry and ignore character.
Yes, chemistry is key, it all definitely has to start with chemistry. But what about his character, does it excite you same way the chemistry between both of you excites you? In truth, chemistry is great, but what would endure long after chemistry begins to wane is character. Good character. Does your man have it? Are you getting carried away by the repeated “I love you.” lines and messages? For you to be sure he is of good character, evaluate him: Is he a truly responsible man? Does he respect the next person? How does he relate to his family and your family? Is he the kind of person you would love your children to grow up and emulate as a father?
- He doesn’t even understand a woman.
Another grave mistake you must make. If you pick a man who barely understands women nor understands what a woman needs the most, then you’re in for a one hell of a time. You must not settle for a man who is too self-centered to show you love. The most valuable thing a man can give a woman is love, and once you realize he doesn’t even understand how to show you love, please promptly shake hands with and walk away. A man who cannot make his wife feel she is the most important person in his life is certainly not worth the gamble..
- You are not the least compatible.
Fundamentally, in every relationship, one of the key things you must look out for to be sure the relationship could go the distance is compatibility. Do you share things in common with him? Are some of your views about life similar? Are your goals in life similar? What are those things both of you enjoy doping together, apart from sex of course? It is not possible for you to share same goals, same values hundred percent, but you must share a great deal together as soulmates, otherwise, there could be serious problems ahead.
- Early physical intimacy does not guarantee great future together.
This has happened to a lot of us time and time again. You meet a guy this week, and you get all super excited about him. He looks cute, drives a hot car and spends money freely. Then, by the end of the following week, you’re already lying naked on his bed. Its far too early! Men, by nature, quickly lose interest in that woman that gives in far too quickly to their sexual cravings. And worse still, when it turns out the sex is great, you fail to see things the way they really are. You get carried away and feel already too committed in the affair to want to take a stand on worrisome issues because of the physical intimacy that already exists between both of you.
- When there is no deeper emotional connection.
This is also a common mistake a lot of us make. Beyond the physical, how deep is our emotional connection to the one we love? Do you truly connect with him spiritually even when he’s far away from you? Do you deeply admire him, not just physically, but also the man inside him? To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: “Do I respect and admire this person?”
- You don’t feel emotionally safe with him.
This is a no-go area. If you cannot be emotionally safe with the man you claim is yours, then you need to review the relationship all over again. You need to ask yourself questions. Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? If your answers are in the negative, then please have a rethink.
Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.
- How open and transparent are you to your partner?
You must be open and transparent about the relationship with your partner. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Once you realize you just cannot be open with your man, then there’s something fundamentally wrong somewhere. Hold on a minute, Think twice before you say that final, ‘I do.’
Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, then you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
- You needed escape from emotional problems.
One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make while choosing a partner is jumping in the arms of another man straight after you suffered a tumultous heartbreak from your ex. You chose your new man because you desperately needed a man that can fill the space of your ex in your life. You may have chosen the wrong man. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.Fix your problems while you’re still single, so that they don’t ‘fix’ you for good by the time you get married!
- When your man is involved in a triangle.
To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.
Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that’s no basis for a marriage.